What Matters Most
musings on the mundane and magnificent from a Christian perspective
Italy awaits me. Or so I think. In my family, we’ve been talking about a big overseas girls’ trip for years now; just my mom, my sister, my niece, and me. We haven’t had a clear destination or timeframe in mind, just the desire to travel and make memories together. But now, my sister wants to run in the Rome marathon in 2024, and my mom wants to show the sights in Italy to my niece and me, since we’ve never been there. So, while this idea is in seed form now, it may take root and become reality. In just two years, the women in my family may invade Italy.
I’m picturing pizza at its finest, window shopping, tossing coins in fountains. I’m picturing wandering through vineyards and sampling what they produce. I’m picturing warm sunlight over Tuscan hills, a good evening meal after a full day of exploring.
I’m sure this is nowhere near what the Apostle Paul pictured when he looked forward to going to Italy. Regardless of what he envisioned, it seems Rome was never far from his thoughts.
- “I long to see you.” Romans 1:11 NASB
- “I am so eager to preach the gospel also to you who are at Rome.” Romans 1:15 NIV
- “I have been longing for many years to see you.” Romans 15:23 NIV
- “I must also see Rome.” Acts 19:21 NET
Throughout Paul’s ministry, Rome loomed large. Wherever he went, whatever he did, he seemed to know Rome was ahead. And he did make it there, eventually. He made it there unhindered.
Unhindered.
This is the very last word in the book of Acts (NASB translation), and it perfectly sums up Paul’s state and the state of the Gospel after everything that happened in the preceding 28 chapters.
After all the attempts to silence the Gospel; after all the detours and delays; after beatings, imprisonment, shipwreck – through it all, Paul arrived at his destination: Rome. He was a little worse for wear, but he was unhindered. And the message of life and salvation in Jesus’ name continued to spread throughout that region – unhindered.
He was unhindered because he remained obedient to the Lord, stayed focused on Him and not the circumstances surrounding him, and trusted the Lord regardless. He knew God could do anything, use anything, accomplish anything. He knew God would bring him to Rome, and he did.
His faith was unhindered.
And the Gospel was unhindered. Nothing could stop it! The message of the resurrection of Jesus and the hope and life found in Him spread literally everywhere Paul went. People were saved, the church was strengthened, and the kingdom of God advanced – unhindered.
There is an important lesson for us here, something we see clearly throughout all of Pauls’ missionary journeys, through all the miles he clocked. It’s the lesson of looking at the big picture and not hyper fixating on one small scene, even though this is easy to do.
God can use what seems like a detour to bring us right where we need to be. Paul knew God wanted him to go to Rome, so he didn’t worry about all the stops and starts along the way. He trusted God to protect him and to bring him to the right place at the right time.
And he opened himself up to opportunities along the way – everywhere he went, he ministered. In a prison cell, in the Areopagus, in city after city, onboard a ship, on the island where they shipwrecked – all along the way to Rome, he ministered to those around him.
He didn’t discount those opportunities just because they weren’t at his final destination. He didn’t belittle his circumstances just because they weren’t ideal. He didn’t write off the possibility that God could move – even in circumstances such as his.
He was faithful where he was while he was on the way to where he was going.
So, what’s your Rome? What’s the one thing you desire from God? Your overarching goal, your focus, the thing you see clearly in your mind but not yet in reality.
It’s good to have a Rome. We should all have a Rome, a direction we’ve received from the Lord, plans and desires and goals that we’ve surrendered to the Lord and are pursuing in Him, with Him.
Rome is a good thing as long as we don’t rush the journey to get there. We must be careful not to be so focused on getting to what’s ahead that we miss what God has for us along the way. We need not be so consumed with seeing the Coliseum, the museums, the history, and the hills that we neglect to see the beauty in front of us right now.
God has people for us to impact, lessons to learn, growth to gain now. And all this will only serve to prepare us for when we do get to our Rome.
Remember the big picture. Rome is just one stop in life’s journey; God has many places to take us. And regardless of the backdrop of each season of life, God can accomplish something good in it, and He can bring us to the next destination on time even when it seems like we’re miles away.
So, let’s savor each season, keeping our eyes open to the opportunities around us, all while we work towards Rome. Let’s take a mental snapshot of each phase of life, internalizing the lessons learned, and adding new postcards to the collection as we go. And as we do, the big picture of our lives will become clearer and clearer, lovelier with each passing year, as we move forward – unhindered.
And when we finally make it to our Rome, we will be ready to receive all that awaits us there because we’ve been faithful along the way. I believe Rome will be breathtakingly beautiful – and that’s worth waiting for.
I’ll see you there. Ciao!
I’m pretty sure if you looked up “creature of habit” in the dictionary, you’d find my picture, one where I’m sporting the same haircut I’ve had for the last twenty years. My keys always go in the exact same spot. I gravitate to the same few restaurants, and once there, I tend to order the same few things. My “usual” has never failed me.
So, I can understand how the Israelites must have felt when they found themselves in a position where being creatures of habit wasn’t an option. In the retelling in Deuteronomy chapter 8, we read of a time when they found themselves in a desert, surrounded by sand, with no food in sight. They had left captivity in Egypt in the most astounding and glorious way, but they had not yet arrived at the homeland God had promised them. They were en route to destiny, and they had gotten hungry along the way.
God had the solution for their hunger, but it was something new, something different. He tells them in Deuteronomy 8:3 that it’s something “which neither you nor your fathers had known.” And again in Deuteronomy 8:16, he describes it as “something your fathers had never known.”
What is this strange new thing? And why is it pointed out, not once, but twice that it’s something new?
Manna. A fine, flakey substance used to make bread. Scripture tells us it tasted like wafers with honey. And it was a new item on the menu.
The Israelites were on a new course, one that was leading them to their promised land. They had new hope in their hearts. They had new commandments to live by. And they had new food in their bowls. Everything they were encountering was new – except for their God.
They had to trust that their God remained the same – faithful and trustworthy – even when everything else around them was new. They couldn’t base their trust on what was familiar and comfortable. They had to enlarge their perspective and place their trust solely on God – not on routine, not on comfort, not on predictability.
They had to have new faith in a new season, to trust God regardless of the circumstances. And that trust had to lead them to obedience, to picking up the manna and eating it, even though it was foreign.
It was a test of faith, and they passed. By eating the manna day in and day out, they were acknowledging God as their provider. They were accepting what He gave them, event though it looked different from anything they’d seen before, even though it wasn’t what they expected.
Certainly, there are things in my life that look vastly different from everything I ever expected. The story God’s given me looks so different from what I always pictured. But like the Israelites, I need to trust Him anyway. I need to hold on to Him and just eat the manna when it comes, even if I don’t understand it, even if it looks different. I need to trust the Source.
I originally wrote this in the fall of 2016.
And I wouldn’t change a word.
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Last week, I had a check-up with my ob-gyn. Now that I’ve discussed pregnancy at length with my endocrinologist, it was his turn. Doing my best to keep a lid on my excitement and appear somewhat normal about this emotionally charged subject, I told him my plans to get pregnant.
I was not surprised by his response.
I’ve heard it before, read about it, and chewed on it with each passing year. Still, his words were no easier to digest just by being prepared to hear them. “Your fertility at 39 is not what it was at 29. It’s not what it was at 19, even.”
The excitement I had going into this appointment was dampened by this unfortunate reality. This is a truth I can’t ignore, can’t wish away. I must acknowledge what I’m working with: I’m a 39-year-old cancer survivor trying to get pregnant for the first time. At 39.
It is what it is. Wishing things were different won’t help me now.
The choice before me is this: to let the process of trying for a baby be overshadowed by fear or undergirded by faith. I choose faith. Even if I never get pregnant, I would rather try with hope in my heart and deal with disappointment than go through this process holding my breath, riddled with doubt, constantly waiting for bad news.
Yes, I acknowledge the difficulties ahead; I’m well aware of the statistics. But I choose not to spend emotional and mental energy on “what if.” I choose faith.
And that same faith will be waiting for me at the end of this road ready to carry me if this process doesn’t turn out the way I want it to.
I acknowledge my age, and I also acknowledge the greater truth that God’s purposes will stand. God is greater than a number, than my health, than any circumstance I face. The purposes and plans He has for me are a certainty nothing can hinder.
So, I’m not going to fear infertility. When I get pregnant, I’m not going to fear miscarriage. I’m not going to fear complications. I choose right now that fear will not have any part in this process. Come what may, I choose faith.
It’s never let me down before.
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That was five years ago. And just like I said, faith was waiting for me at the end of the road, a road that did not lead to a baby.
I did get pregnant – once – but the pregnancy didn’t last long enough for fear to have a chance to creep in. I was having a D & C just a few short weeks of getting a positive pregnancy test. And I wasn’t able to get pregnant again.
I’m infertile yet full of faith. I have faith that what needed to happen in my life has happened, that circumstances are what they need to be, even if unexpected. I have faith that if I was supposed to be a mom, I would be and that, for me, being a stepmom is enough.
Faith doesn’t mean you always get what you’re hoping for. It doesn’t mean that every prayer is answered.
What faith means is a calm, confident assurance that you will be okay – regardless of how life plays out. It’s not an abstract theory, it’s not an emotion that can come and go, it’s not a crutch just to help you process life’s difficulties.
Because the whole point of having faith is the object of our faith – God. We have faith in Him because He has proven Himself faithful in our lives and in the pages of Scripture. We trust Him because He is trustworthy. And because He never changes, the basis of our faith will never change. Our faith can grow stronger and stronger with each passing year, with each crisis we face.
A crisis in life doesn’t have to lead to a crisis of faith. When our faith is based on who God has revealed Himself to be – and not on us getting everything we want, having every prayer answered just the way we want it to – then our faith will be unshakable. And it will sustain us in all the times when things don’t go the way we want them to.
I know trying to get pregnant month after month, the indescribable pain of miscarriage, the startling reality of infertility are not easy to overcome. It can be hard to wrap your brain around it – and hard for your heart to move on – when your situation is the exact opposite of what you wanted.
But I’m here to tell you from my own experience that healing is possible. And though it may not be easy, there is a way forward. And it all starts with faith – in a faithful, loving God.
My view from here is a wistful one. Through the window of my home office, I see my neighbor walk by with her toddler and her newborn in the stroller. The little girl is practically prancing down the street in her princess dress. It’s not Halloween anymore, and it doesn’t look like they’re having a birthday party. It’s just Thursday. And I guess that’s as good a reason as any to go full princess mode.
The whole thing made me smile as much as it made me cry. To see young mothers with their young daughters can’t help but grip my heart. I was never a young mother. I’ll never have a daughter. I’ll never have what I always wanted, and scenes like this are a vivid reminder of that loss.
I always wanted to be that young mother taking her kids outside for a mid-morning walk. I wanted to have a house full of kids, but I don’t. Instead, I have a household where the number of pets outweighs the number of children (two fur babies, one stepson).
But I take another look…
My view outside the home, my view inside the home – wherever I look I see evidence of God’s faithfulness, His goodness, His sovereign hand guiding me every step of the way. There’s so much I do have: a husband who loves me and is committed to me, a child in my home to love, friends, health, resources. I have things to look forward to. I have hope.
My view from home is not what I thought it would be, and I deal with the grief as it ebbs and flows. But regardless of what the view looks like, this is my home. This is my household. I choose to be thankful for all I do have and to steward it well.
So I pray…
“Regardless of what I have, regardless of what I don’t have, regardless of the circumstances and emotions, You are Lord, and You are good. You are worthy of my unwavering trust and undying devotion. I give all of me – the mess, the sadness, the things that I wish were different, the things that don’t come easily for me, the things I’m thankful for, the potential in me – I give it all freely to You. I’m Yours, Lord.
In the gap between what I always wanted and what I actually have, between hopeful expectation and bittersweet reality, I find You. And You give me the healing that is only found in You.”
That healing enables me to be surrounded by scenes of happy mothers and babies – like the one I witnessed today – but not be overcome by them. So, the next time my neighbors go for a walk, whether as princesses or fairies or superheroes, I can smile through my tears. I can rest in the knowledge that my view from home is something God sees, too. I am living my story, not somebody else’s, and He is with me as it unfolds.
As I look at my life, as I view my home, I look through the viewfinder of faith and see God, and that is enough for me.
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Psalm 34:18 NIV
Psalm 59 is such a sweet psalm to me. Admittedly, it starts out with some not-so-sweet language as David compares his enemies to a pack of hungry, angry dogs. But he eventually shifts his focus back to God. And the words that stand out to me, the sentiment that is so sweet to me, is his confident assurance in the Lord’s presence and protection, his faith even in the midst of an overwhelming situation.
When David prayed these words, he was literally trapped. In 1 Samuel 19, we read that he was trapped in his house as Saul’s men encamped around it, waiting to kill him. His enemies surrounded him, but he knew that even more so, the protection of God surrounded him. “You, O God, are my fortress, my loving God.” Psalm 59:9 NIV
We see a similar account in 2 Kings 6:15-18. The King of Aram waged war against the people of God. The prophet Elisha was instrumental in their defense strategy, resulting in their victory at every turn. So, the King of Aram made Elisha his target. Under the cover of night, his troops advanced one by one until an army surrounded Elisha’s city.
In the morning, he and his servant awoke to an onslaught. But Elisha was unmoved because that was not all he saw. He told his companion, as they took in the warriors, the horses, the chariots all lined up against them, “Don’t be afraid…Those who are with us are more than those who are with them.” 2 Kings 6:16 NIV
“And Elisha prayed, ‘O Lord, open his eyes so he may see.’ Then the Lord opened the servant’s eyes, and he looked and saw the hills full of horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.”
2 Kings 6:17 NIV
In the face of insurmountable odds, Elisha had a choice. He could look at the enemy’s army or he could look at what God was doing. And Elisha chose to see the big picture – the angelic protection that was there all along. He chose to see through the eyes of faith.